Sunday, March 23, 2008

For fear of getting cited, I slyly flipped off the President as his motorcade impeded my run.

VMA

Terrible. This was all terrible. It was this little ball of potential that could have been so much, instead it went up in flames. I just texted my sister to see if she was going to watch so that I can find out if I am that severely out of touch with what is hip with youngsters today. Unfortunately she cannot watch as she has an essay to write. Clearly she is much smarter than I.

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I have never heard this Nelly Furtado song, but apparently my former roommate, Snarky Behavior (Jon) does, as it is on his top 10 songs of all time list.

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Wait... was there a real fight? Did Pam Anderson cause it? Oh man! Kid Rock and Tommy Lee -- always getting into trouble. So few details!

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Miss South Carolina Teen USA!!! I am pretty sure the MTV producers just handed the show over to a room full of monkeys (and not the smart ones who know sign language, but the ones who throw feces at small children at the zoo), fed them pixie sticks and let it ride. I am glad I have not defended MTV's actions for years (or maybe months).

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Well played Jamie Foxx, well played. He must have been drinking more than I have. Well played.

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Kanye! Again! I am unclear as to whether he has been performing throughout or whether this was all taped last night and they have just been showing highlights.

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Who set up the seating chart? I am pretty sure shotgun weddings have more thought put into them. Is DMB taking pictures? Was P Diddy staring at Alicia's ass throughout the performance? At least there is liquor for folks in the audience too.

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Alicia Keys - a lot of respect for actually singing live. Not a lot of respect for this outfit, particularly the hair, it seems like she took some notes from Flashdance, Diana Ross or Beyonce with the knit skull cap in DreamGirls. Unfortunately she did not note that none of them looked so hot.

VMA

Who okayed the hotel parties? This seems like a terrible idea on many levels:

1) None of the camera angles are appealing
2) Everything seems hot and sweaty
3) The extras are all ancient and/or tore up in general (see previous post)
4) Do they have to clear out the rooms all around it?
5) A thought -- maybe they chose the less attractive extras because they figured they would be more respectful of the rooms so that there would be less clean up drama.
6) How pissed would you be if you were in a band that didn't get a good intro or get to make it on the main stage when Britney was able to cavort around in a stupor?

VMA

We are unclear as to who chose the extras to watch the musical performances in the hotel rooms. So far there seems to be no scruples as to who makes it in, we've seen an old Jewish women, some man who looks like the love child of the Nelson Twins and Iggy Pop (not wearing a shirt) and some TORE UP third-tier sorority chicks. Where have you gone MTV? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you.

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Why did I have no idea that someone did a cover of "We're not dancin' with our clothes off"?! I am so not hip anymore.

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Linkin Park. What a let down.

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Pamela Anderson: Still relevant after all these years.

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REALITY OF LOVE WITH TILA TEQUILA.

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Justin is so fab. I wish he had mentioned The Hills even though they were standing right behind him.

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This is the point of the evening when Emily and I found it necessary to open the bottle of wine to make things go more smoothly. Stay Tuned

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Sensory overload! Kelly Sweet, Miriamm (two Ms on purpose) What is going on in the world?

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That mix of songs was admittedly bizarre and random, but I still love Chris Brown. The VMAs as an entity/must-watch-event -- not so much love anymore.

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Rihanna and Chris Brown's fancey footwork: THIS is what I expect and love from the VMAs.

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I love Chris Brown. Kids dancing can always fix things.

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I am starting to figure out what is going on here. It was sort of like when I watched Vanilla Sky and wasn't really sure what as going on the whole time and then I figured out what had gone on the whole time and I wanted to shoot myself for sitting through it all. That is what is going on here.

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I find the thick lady dancing behind Maroon 5 more appealing than what has gone on the whole show thus far.

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Why do they keep making up new awards? And how did Beyonce just beat JT? Why is she wearing something I would see on a statue in Greece? Good call on the titty tape, otherwise I am sure we would have seen full nip on this one.

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Kanye and Fiddy. Holla.

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This blog attempt may be interrupted because Rock of Love is far too appealing to my VMA viewing compatriots. This is why we need DVR and why MTV needs to FRICKING GET THEIR ACT TOGETHER!

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What is the reasoning for all of this? Do they think that the core audience (which I will cede is now far younger than I) has little to no attention span? I feel like I need to pour adderall into the tap water if this is the future.

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Quadruple Threat?! What the fuck is this? Why are you killing yourself MTV? Thank you for the "Play More Videos" shoutout, Justin.

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I still fail to see the appeal of Robin Thicke, I would be much more excited to see Alan Thicke (Jason Seaver -- what, what!)

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Is this going to be Kanye's only performance? Was this actually done last night? Why the sunglasses? Why did Kanye agree to this when 50 cent got to sit front row and be the Jack Nicholson of the VMAs?

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"Oh My God! Britney! I AM STILL NOT OVER IT! I can dance better than that!" - Jazzercise Instructor Emily

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Dear MTV,

Please give the award winners a podium to set their statuette on, the juggling/balancing act Rihanna performed was 10 kinds of awkward.

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The awards nominee announcement format may cause me to have a seizure by the end of the evening.

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The VMAs can never be in Vegas again. They are no Golden Globes (aka the only awards show that can pull off round tables next to the stage). What are all of these "themed" rooms?

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This diarrhea excuse Sarah Silverman is discussing is exactly the same lie my mom told me to tell the office ladies in high school if I was ever tardy.

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Dear Sarah Silverman,

I love you, but this is making it more and more terrible... and also mildly awesome.

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Current Debate:

What drug is she on: Valium, weed, oh no... Poor, Poor Britney.

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Why isn't she dancing? Is she on dope? Why is Bonnie Hunt dancing? Ahhhh!!

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I am unsure what I am more excited for: a 3 hour break from John Norris or Britney -- who am I kidding - BRITNEY!!?

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I love Foo Fighters and Pharell but again -- not John Norris.

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Britney's best VMA performance:

I'm a Slave 4 U - 2
Oops I did it again - 1
Madonna Makeout - 1

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Who is this Aussie -- he looks like a cheap knockoff of Simon Rex. Proof that nudie pics/movies can really change things -- are you listening Vanessa Hudgens?

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John Norris: still creeping me out.

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"I've been working on these philanthropists" Oh Paris -- you are still a whore.

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Dear MTV,

Please stop mentioning how fun/crazy it is in Vegas for the VMAs, the awkward nods and agreements should indicate that clearly no one agrees with you.

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"It's purely a marketing scheme on my part," "It's the greatest day in music history" (re: his and 50 cents' release date) I love you Kanye.

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Why does it seem like every female is trying to rock the June Cleaver hairdo - Mary J, Nelly Furtado, Paris (and all blonde -- I am certain none of those drapes match those carpets).

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I have a lot of respect for the way Suchin Pak and John Norris skirted around the terribleness that was the Pussycat Dolls chick's TERRIBLE performance.

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Who is John Norris trying to be, some bastard child of Harry Potter and Roddy McDowell from A Clockwork Orange?

September 9, 2007: VMA Live Blog

I have decided to do a live blog of the VMAs as I watch.

Sunday, August 5, 2007

I spent 10 minutes searching for a picture of a tetrahedron.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

I drank pitchers of mojitos out of a Brita filter while playing Old Maid.

Friday, August 3, 2007

I interviewed a woman who informed us that the most important thing she could do for her 2 year-old grandson was "Pray with him."

Thursday, August 2, 2007

I watched Hairspray with captions in the theater.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

I watched Hairspray with captions in the theater.

August 1, 2007

On the first anniversary of the creation of this blog, I toyed with the idea of bringing it back.

Friday, March 2, 2007

I walked all over NW and took a mini driving tour of SE.

Thursday, March 1, 2007

I got a new computer, ate a steak, saw a ballet and watched a basketball game.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Jon and I returned a keg shell in a Mini Cooper.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

I went to trivia night in workout garb.

Monday, February 26, 2007

I booked my ticket to Boston.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

I heavily cleaned the apartment and watched the Oscars with Michael and Al.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

I wore footie pajamas and a picture of Anna Nicole around my neck.